so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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