A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
