just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
