who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
