you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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