So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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