The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
