Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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