why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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