I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
