you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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