Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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