I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
