R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
