She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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