She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
