your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
