I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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