I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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