Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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