dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
