i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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