Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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