Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
