I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
