Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
