I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
