the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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