there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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