oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
