Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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