He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
