He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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