In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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