he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
