Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
