The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
