Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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