Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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