if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
