look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
