I think I won the penis lottery.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
