Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
