I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
