coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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