You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
