Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
