would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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