I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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