My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
