Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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