Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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