Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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