his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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