What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize