I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
