I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
