you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
