the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
