uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Im part way to drunk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize