It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
