I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
