on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
