Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
