You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's shark week go big or go home
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
