road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All the doctor said was why
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
