We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
