I want to walk on stilts...naked
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
