turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
