Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
