I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize