O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Randomize
