Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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