just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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