i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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