so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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