I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
