i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
