Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
