Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
