I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
