i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
